You know you’re a grad student done with the coursework requirements when…

…you sleep for fourteen hours, three days in a row.

…your revenge fantasies against your Sanskrit textbook become much more practical…but you sell it anyhow because you’re broke.

…in delirious states, you conjugate Latin verbs. Because you never know when you’re going to need those again. [Hint: never. You’re never going to need them again.]

…you really just hope you passed Sanskrit. Really, really–you just need to pass.

You know you’re a grad student who still has to do comprehensive exams when…

…you have to explain what your comps are to your relatives.

…you have to explain that comps are not a thesis.

…you have to explain that even the thirty-page research paper that’s part of your comps is NOT a thesis. NO, it’s not. YES, you’re sure.

…you wonder if you’d be better off if your program just required a thesis.

*     *     *

And you know you’re a grad student who just wants to be done if…

…disaster documentaries become oddly soothing.

…you also have to pack for your cross-country move, plan a wedding, and find a real job.

…when you wonder if buying your advisor a large bottle of gin would be a bribe or a much-deserved gift for saving your rear repeatedly over the last two years.